East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
