What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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