I think i peed on brittanys purse
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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