I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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