I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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