you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
