end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
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Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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