redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
