dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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