2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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