You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize