i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
