dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
