I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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