I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
