Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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