There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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