i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
