i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
