areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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