so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
