We're facebook friends in real life
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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