Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
