You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We need a shit load of segways right now
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
