smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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