Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
