Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
