I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
