How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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