Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
