and she was petting her beer can
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
