Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
