So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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