i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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