just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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