Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize