I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
