Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
