You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
