It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
