the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
