I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
