Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
