Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
