you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
