I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
