You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
