Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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