just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
