some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
