Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
