just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
