I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we have pet lesbian snakes
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You left your phone here
Wait...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
