considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
OPIZZABONMYDICK
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
