Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
