He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
