my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
