you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
