you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
