she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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