Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
