Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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