I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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