Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
