sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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