The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
